Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Oh no they DIDN'T!

Last week, my daughter came home upset because she'd been arguing with some of her Kindergarten classmates...about Star Wars.  Apparently they insisted that Princess Leia doesn't have a lightsaber, and she was trying to convince them that she does get a lightsaber eventually, because I had shown her pictures that prove it.  So naturally, she got upset because she told the truth and they didn't believe her.

Resisting my initial urge to suggest she tell them to shut their little turd mouths for daring to question her (and by extension, my) Star Wars knowledge, I decided I'd help her resolve the situation by providing her evidence to support her claim.

Going through my archive of Star Wars literature, I pulled out my copy of The Unseen Queen and photocopied the cover for her to bring to school the next day.
Leia.  Lightsaber.  STFU, children.
Naturally, she was excited to go back to school and prove to her classmates she wasn't lying.  Oh if only the story ended there.

"Daddy, I showed them the picture, and they still didn't believe me.  Spidey* said that Luke just let Leia borrow his lightsaber."
*Yes, that's his real name, and he was wearing a Spider-Man shirt his first day of school.

So I sat there thinking to myself Son. Of. A. Bith.  What the hell is wrong with these kids?!?  Can't they effing see that Leia's OLDER, and holding a BLUE lightsaber, when Luke's lightsaber is now GREEN!?!  And the hilt is COMPLETELY different!!!  What does this say about the American education system when kids are allowed to get by with such piss-poor observation skills!?!

Again biting my tongue, I said "that's too bad, sweetie.  How about I get you a picture that shows that they're different lightsabers?"  Then I drummed out this number for her to take back to the playground the next day:
Ha HA!  Different hilts!  WHAT'S UP NOW?!?
And the next afternoon...

"They saw the picture, and they believe it's a different lightsaber now...but I told Jessica that Leia also has a pink lightsaber, and she said there's no such thing, but I know that there is because you showed it to me!"

Well then tell Jessica to go suck an egg, cuz clearly she's an ignorant moron that's never read a piece of Star Wars fiction in her life!  How DARE she question my daughter's integrity!  Jeez, can she even READ!?!

"Okay, honey.  I'll make you one last picture to shove in her face before you punch her in the jugular so you can show her that Leia's had lightsabers of many colors."

Read a BOOK, you uncultured swine!
And of course:

"Daddy, I showed her the picture, and she says it doesn't count because it's not in the movies!"

It was finally at this point that I realized my little girl (and by extension, me) was getting trolled IRL by a bunch of five year olds.  I sighed and decided to turn it into a Mr. Cleaver moment:

"Honey, there are just some people that are never going to believe you, no matter how much proof you give them.  People are stubborn, and sometimes they just don't want to admit that they're wrong.  But as long as you know that you're right, in the end that's what matters."

She seemed to accept that answer.  She's pretty cool like that.

During my daughter's parent-teacher conference a week later, her teacher thanked me for sending her to school with the pictures.  Apparently this had become quite the argument on the playground, and the printouts I sent managed to calm things down significantly.

I nonchalantly shrugged and said "Ah, it was no big deal."


  1. YOU ROCK. And so does your daughter.

    1. Hahaha, thanks! I'm quite proud of the fact she's cooler than I'll ever be :-)